Most of the time, it's easier to just give up than being hopeful... I can feel that every nerve and every tiny piece of my cells and tissues are giving up...
This is not sadness, this is madness... I'm not only mad at myself, but I am losing faith... I could not think right... Please Allah... I wanted to ask you why, but I’m hopeless, really hopeless at the moment... and I realise that you know what I am feeling inside without me even begging you for guidance… How could I beg something that has been fated as ‘not going to happen’?
I have never been like this, never felt like this… I’ve never give up in whatever I did before… 31 year old I am now, and I’ve never given up hope, not even once… I’ve never lost my faith in whatever it is…
I could no more imagine of holding my own baby (ies)… our baby (ies), sepu and mine… as I’m no more into it… Whatever happens for a reason, so they say... what if that whatever is happening happens twice? I could not get myself to think of trying again, and again… and yet the effort itself fails me…
I’m not going to pray to have any baby or even babies soon… but I need somebody to pray for me, that I will not lose hope, and lose faith…
I have never act this way… whatever I do, I know, Allah is always there watching me… but now, I feel like giving up everything… everything that is by all means!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment